Hi,
I thought I would update the group on some unexpected developments that took place this past weekend.
We are fortunate enough to have a boat house about an hour's drive from our home. During last week we had about 5 inches of rain - the remnants of a storm and I thought we should check things out for property damage etc.
Turned out no damage done, but the lake was much higher than before and a lot of work to do - hauling out the boat and the dock - jobs usually left for October. I wasn't really in the mood for it. We had just been there last week, and I could have used this weekend to laze around. Not my idea of a Saturday afternoon.
As a result of being stressed and tired I got snippy, and for the first time in quite a while I started to take it out on Raquel. At one point she was looking for something in the storage room - admittedly a pretty cramped and plentifully stocked place. I got on to her about 'why couldn't she find it because she was the one who was looking for it?’ I then located the item - a can of weather proofing oil to put on the wood trim of her canoe - and presented it to her by asking 'there, what does this look like?’
I had probably only half buried me at that point, but then she discovered she couldn't get the lid off - glued on like rock. I then had to expend more time and energy prying the thing loose, while commenting about how it might be nice if she had done a decent jobof wiping the screw off cap and lid of the can before screwing it tight a year ago. Not a wise choice of words.
I could tell she was really steamed as she went out to do the canoe. I had other chores to do so I went my separate way.
Awhile later I went out to check how she was doing and ask about starting some preparations for dinner. My timing was good, as she was just wrapping up her canoe work. Showing me the lid to the wood preservative she icily asked 'So this is how you want it cleaned and closed up?' I replied 'Yes, I think that makes a lot more sense'. It was like I unwittingly gave her the intro line she needed, as she then told me 'Actually Dan, what's going to make sense right now is that you're going to unlock the boat house, go in, and prepare to be punished.'
To be honest, I was completely stunned. After several weeks of virtually NO reference to DWC - I thought perhaps the concept had died - here was Raquel, being more assertive than I have ever experienced before.
Unlike a great many of you, in our brief time with DWC we haven't done OTK. I knew that I was expected to strip and lie out on the double bed with the pillows available placed under my hips. What I wasn't sure about was what she planned to use as an implement, so I left my belt out thinking she would use that. Much better than that, Raquel had remembered that in the cottage was a paddle that has hung on a nail for many years.
It was actually a gag gift to my Mom, with stenciled lettering "Applied Psychology - Grip Handle Firmly - School Begins in September". A classic statement for how to deal with bored kids and too long a summer holiday. I never remember anyone being on the receiving end as a kid, forty plus years ago.
I have written in previous posts about some of the issues around 'how severe is severe?’ Well, I can now attest to having been challenged to go beyond that point of begging for the paddling to stop. I don't know if that was part of what was going on for Raquel or not - we haven't yet talked about that.
The lecture was brief - shorter than what Aunt Kay and more seasoned DWC folks would suggest I imagine - but the offence was made clear. The punishment began, and continued. There was very little warm up. Swats were delivered equally to each cheek and thoroughly. Most notable this time, multiple swats to the same area of the same cheek with rapid delivery. That, I believe, is the key piece which sent me over the edge - to that howling, blubbering, squirming/trying to stay still space that Raquel and I have both understood from readings we have done from DWC. But previously not something experienced. Previously not something I was sure if she even really understood.
I must confess dinner and the rest of the evening was a pretty subdued affair. I still struggle to be wholly grateful for what I have received, and I know that until I do there is a very important part missing. I know punishment is what needs to be done, but I still feel it's not really what I want to have done. But wanting is really not the issue is it? This is about me knowing the limits of my energies, accepting those limits and staying within them, and not taking out my inability to do so by being disrespectful to my wife.
Frankly I hope this doesn't happen again for some time. I am certainly more aware that, although Raquel hasn't said so, if I behave that way again, I am likely to be punished just as forcefully. Certainly being alone on our own and at the cottage set the stage for this to happen without teenage comings and goings to interfere. I realize in retrospect that the circumstances were probably instrumental in giving Raquel the opportunity she needed to exercise her authority as she did. But, I don't think being away from the cottage would stop her in future.
Dan