Dear Paulette,
You have your hands full. I am glad to see you are stopping him from directing your spankings. That is what is called "topping from the bottom". Harry likes to do that to me too. Aunt Kay told Harry that he has to stop that! He is to accept my discipline and not complain that is it either too light or too severe. He and Jim are the spankees and we are the spankers! Please allow me to throw some observations out to you.
The problem I see you having is that Jim wants to be spanked and spanked HARD (by the way they all want it hard). But if Jim wants it that hard and gets it, he might like it and you don't want him to because then he will start annoying you to get spankings. What I have learned is that I have to separate the kinds of spankings I give. The basic two types of spankings are punishment and erotic. If Jim finds your punishment spankings to be erotic, he will push your buttons to get one. So punishment spankings should be something he DOES NOT LIKE. They need to go on well after he is begging you to quit. Now with Harry I still give him "maintenance spankings" over my knee. I know that these are the kind HE DOES LIKE , so if he is good he gets one every week instead of a punishment spanking, which he DOES NOT LIKE. Harry loves the submissive feeling of being over my lap and the warm feel of a wood paddle on his rear. Harry does not like standing in the middle of the room with his hands over his head, standing on his toes, and being struck by the cane. So if Harry is good he still gets the spanking he wants but just in a completely different form. If Jim feels that if he is good you will stop spanking him then he will act up to get one and you don't want that. So you need to make a CLEAR distinction of the two types. If it gets real bad you may have to threaten not to spank him ever again if he keeps "pushing your buttons". But that is not something that should be a problem if you make the two clear distinctions and give both. By the way Aunt Kay told me that callouses will form quickly on the bottom if you spank daily which was what I was doing for a while. So now I spank only once a week to keep that to a minimum. Some guys have bottoms that can be spanked all day and they hardly feel a thing. You and I don't want that. So while I know it is necessary to give Harry a quick "attitude adjuster" right on the spot, I try to keep his main spankings to one per week. With the cane Harry says he can still feel it a few days later so he does not need reminded as often.
Paulette, you and Jim seem like a wonderful couple and forgive me if I have stuck my nose in too far. I can tell you I love having a husband I can spank. He is much better than those husbands who try to act all macho and push their way though life. Our marriage has always been good but this is icing on the cake. We still date 4 to 5 times a week and make love constantly, and Harry is still very strong and very much my protector. The only difference is that now, when he becomes that occasional annoying little boy I can treat him like one and solve the problem quickly. I won't say that we never argue anymore it is just that Harry picks his words more carefully or he knows what will happen. Also I don't build up the resentment I used to. So we both let things go after discipline is over. He was bad. He was punished. It is over. Harry can not have a bad attitude after a spanking for that is in the contract that we both signed.
As for the contract, I had talked to Jim about that a little and put some of that in my last email to him. You really need to use this to your benefit and put in it things that you really want him to change. If he is going to get the spankings that he wants then you need to see things that you want like behavior changes. I have found that with Harry he REALLY wants to change his behavior and be the best husband he can be. With our contract he helped think up a lot of the items that were in the contract and I told Jim he should do the same for you. After a while I've notice that things become habit and he does them automatically now. For instance, he always opens my car door for me. He always picks up the towels on the floor of the bathroom after he showers now. This is a two way street. He gets what he wants (the spankings) but you also get benefits, actually lots of benefits L.O.L. Not only is Harry better behaved but our sex life is wonderful. It is like being on a second honeymoon.