My name is Sophia. My husband is Tony. We have been in the lifestyle for 3 yrs since our younger daughter left home. My purpose in writing is to let you know of the system I use which might not be new or unique (what is) but I have never seen anything similar mentioned and it works for us.
I go out to work while Tony works from home, apart from site visits and so he has become very much a 'house husband' doing most of the daily chores. In essence the system allows him to own up to things and so save himself a more unpleasant trip otk. Here is how it works.
When we started on this road, I felt part of the problem was that he simply didn't recognize that a lot of what he did was irritating if not downright childish. I thought that getting him to acknowledge that he had misbehaved would be a major step towards improving him.
We agreed on a system which 'rewarded' him for owning up before his 'crime' was discovered. This is it. The clothes brush I use to punish him hangs on the coat stand in our hall. If he wants to own up to anything, he places the brush on an adjacent table where I will see it when I get home. He then goes upstairs to my workroom and undresses down to his vest and underpants (punishment uniform) and waits for me to get home.
I always get home within a 15 min span so he never has to wait too long. I pick up the brush and climb the stairs. On days when I am not at work he simply has to confess to what has happened before I find out. He is then sent upstairs to get ready and a few minutes later I will collect the brush from the hook before going up to deal with the matter.
Initially I gave him a 'discounted' spanking but as we moved on I introduced 'extras' instead. He knows that if he fails to own up prior to my confronting him the clothesbrush spanks for a lot longer than it would otherwise.
In case you are wondering, there is no question of his controlling events or anything like that. Sometimes when he confesses it is for something so minor I merely give him a couple of swats over his underpants with him standing upright. I never let him off completely though. At other times when he sees me turning to sit in my 'special' chair, he knows that he will have the opportunity to study the weave in the carpet for a few minutes. Of course, his underpants are superfluous on those occasions.
Advantages of the system –
1. I think that the very act of having to remove the brush from its proper place and put it on the table for me, together with the awareness that it has to be done before I arrive home causes him to reflect daily on his conduct and that it what I want to achieve.
2. The period of waiting allows him to reflect on the fact that he has not only failed to live up to my standards but has also himself made the decision to bring that fact to my attention so he definitely only has himself to blame for the predicament he is in. It also heightens the suspense of waiting to find out how sore his bottom is going to be.
3. It quite often brings to my attention misdeeds which otherwise would probably go undetected thus minimizing the chance of eluding punishment for any particular transgression.
That's it then, Kay. If you think there is any merit in the above please feel free to use it if appropriate. Thanks for everything and keep up the excellent work. Your website was very instrumental in us choosing this route.
Yours,
Sophia