We have been in the DWC lifestyle for nearly four years. Like most couples we have had our ups and downs but overall, we felt these four years had been our best in a marriage of over 30 years. However, this is a story depicting what we recently went through.
David always felt that he knew what the lifestyle should be like and how his wife should be involved. It was coming up to his birthday, and he knew that there was to be a celebratory spanking or rather that is what he thought should happen! Although there were many opportunities in the weekend, for some reason Christine decided not to take advantage of them at this time. This had been a pattern that had existed throughout their time in the lifestyle, and it often seemed that David would try and pressure Christine into taking action as a DW wife. Christine, on the other hand had her own views and she had always been concerned about the marks on David’s bottom that resulted from a discipline session, even though his improved behavior and attitudes were welcomed.
So one day, probably for a number of reasons, David started to ferment about the situation and his perception that Christine was not really committed to the lifestyle or at least to what he thought that meant. He tossed and turned for most of the night getting more and more angry and upset over the situation. Why he got so upset is not easy to tell, but a number of other pressures may have combined to fuel the situation. In the morning he could not contain his feelings any longer and the tornado exploded through the bedroom. He ranted and raved about what had been agreed and yet never delivered. He even gave an ultimatum that their DWC lifestyle had been suspended and would not resume unless Christine gave cast iron guarantees of her commitment. Now while David is your extrovert, quick mouth talker, Christine is a much quieter, deep-thinking person who does not like confrontation and so when confronted with this onslaught she naturally climbed into her shell. This made David even more frustrated and the tornado seem to build even more.
Many things were said and both seemed to be hurting each other. Where was this going and how would it end? Good question, and Christine later commented that she was very close to the view that the marriage had no future.
After a few days of tension and negative attitudes, David made the suggestion that Christine might try and solve her problems by calling Aunt Kay. It never seemed to occur to him that this might be his problem and that he should seek help! Anyway, Christine was desperate to find a way forward and agreed to ring Aunt Kay. Of course, AK has a way of putting her finger on the problem and it has to be suspected that if she had been living closer it might have been rather more than her finger! She assured Christine that her feelings were very common amongst DWC wives and that most, if not all, the problem lay with David. She listened to all that Christine had to say and reassured her. Aunt Kay then offered a lot of guidance and suggestions.
Christine came off the phone after talking to AK, and she looked a different person. She was confident and standing tall and she told David that AK wanted him to speak to her husband, Jerry. Fortunately, David had met Jerry at a previous time and so they were able to talk easily about the problems. Jerry explained to David about the different ways that men and women understand and think about the DWC. In particular, many men, including David, had their fantasies as to how the DWC lifestyle should be lived. In reality it was usually very different and women in DWC lifestyles usually had a different level of commitment and need which did not always meet their husband’s wishes.
Jerry used a very good analogy of how the DWC lifestyle could be viewed. A lot of men have the view that it was like building a house which after it is built it is all in place and needs to be lived in. The DWC lifestyle is not a one-off event but an ongoing, and never finished, event. He likened it to a farm where the work is never finished and you have to work hard to constantly maintain, improve and keep it producing good results.
Thankfully, David has now realized that his way of thinking had got taken over by too much fantasy and this was not very helpful. He has now accepted that Christine is his DWC wife and that she must be treated with the respect befitting a woman who is prepared to embrace the lifestyle. David has apologized to Christine, and she is prepared to give their relationship another chance. AK has given them an exercise to work out what they want from their DWC relationship and to prioritize their needs. Out of this they have now developed a series of contracts to cover those areas of David’s behavior and attitudes that need to change and improve. Christine has agreed to enforce these contracts, and David has now felt her vigorous enforcement a number of times.
Christine now realizes the importance of keeping up the DWC activity in order to keep David in line and behaving well, but David also has to realize that just because he thinks that certain things should happen at certain times, it doesn't mean that they will. He should not be applying pressure to Christine to discipline and spank when he thinks it should happen. However, if he feels that he needs bringing back into line, then AK says that he can mention this need and then he must leave it at that and let Christine decide if and when a spanking should take place.
Once again, we have to say a big thank you to Aunt Kay and the DWC lifestyle for giving our marriage another chance.