"If you don't quit that crying, I'll give you something to cry about."
Most of us heard that more than once and learned what it meant at least early in our childhoods. This, along with, "You won't sit for a week," and "Do you need a trip to the woodshed?" or "You'll be eating off the mantle," were all colloquial ways of saying, without saying directly, "Keep that up and you are going to get a spanking!"
But the expression "something to cry about" has a deeper message imbedded in it: a subtext which is "I love you deeply. You have no right to feel sorry for yourself, and it you don't get over this funk, I am going to do it for you."
When a husband starts acting "depressed," he can be very much like a fussy child and should be treated as such. Obviously, some depression is totally situational, such as when people face illness, death of a loved one, severe financial reversals, or other real-life problems that all of us must cope with at times. And some people have lifelong problems with depression. One spanking isn't going to fix those underlying issues.
But some grown men just get too absorbed in themselves, and decide to have a "pity party," where they become moody and taciturn, and make others around them feel bad. The truth of the matter is that this behavior often is just plain selfish.
This type of depression can properly be viewed as anger, which is directed inward at the self, rather than anger that is manifested by directly aggressive behavior towards others. And it can be equally disturbing to others who live with trying to relate to the depressed person.
Compare the husband who lashes out verbally at his wife with the "whiney-hiney" husband, moping around the house feeling sorry for himself. The brooding husband is in fact doing the same thing, except that he is expressing his anger in a less honest and forthright manner. But the result is the same: He is taking out his own unhappiness on those around him, and making them carry his burden. Recognizing that reality is the first step toward treating it effectively. A good hard paddling can put a quick end to a husband's moodiness, just as it works to end argumentative and disrespectful bickering, rebellion, and other acting out.
Of course, many men are just unmotivated or weak in character, and basically wanting someone else to care for them, to give an encouraging "pep talk," like a mommy might provide. Fine enough. But that isn't likely to work. In fact, coddling him further will only give him permission to keep sinking, and to take the whole family down with him.
So go ahead and accept the fact that his acting out by being "depressed" is really just a thinly veiled plea for you to tan his backside soundly. Recall yet another old-fashioned expression, "You are asking for it." He is. So go ahead and give it to him, and give it to him good. Embrace his emotional need at this difficult time, and be very strict. Do this because you love him, and because this is what he needs. He doesn't like his self-indulgent moping and brooding either, and he will be grateful if you put an end to it.
Start off with a paddle or a strap, and lay into his bare backside with purpose. Scold him and be sure he knows that you will not tolerate his self-indulgent sulking. Put a hot bright glow on his rear and a stream of tears on his face.
But don't stop until his attitude is completely adjusted. Break out the cane, restrain him if necessary, and be sure to make him dance and howl. Deliver an inspirational message with each hard swat:
1. I love you
2. Every day on earth is a blessing
3. It is your duty to live your life to be happy and to serve others
4. I am not going to permit you to sink into sadness
After at least 4 whistling strokes, give a stern verbal admonition: "We are going to repeat this session exactly one week from today. If I haven't seen MAJOR improvement I am going to step up your punishment every week until I do."
Then, be resolute, psyche yourself up to your duty, and finish with a few more very hard cane strokes. Remember your mission is to give him "Something to cry about," so aim your cane diagonally, to slice across the existing stripes. Make it clear that a grumpy boy can expect to sit on a very tender bottom.
Nurturing and imposing necessary discipline are just flip sides of the same coin. Traditional maternal medicine is most effective when administered in strong doses. Giving him "something to cry about" will be good for his soul, and will bring improvement to his attitude.
P. S. I got my 'something to cry about' treatment last week!
Sincerely,
A Now Cheerful Husband