Aunt Kay,
You have a wonderful, informative and entertaining site. One of the best I've seen.
I just read 'A Husband's Essay', which deals with the issue of distinguishing fun, sexy spankings from real disciplinary whippings, paddlings, or canings. This is a common topic among your writers, and not surprisingly so. It is difficult for lovers to engage in spanking without arousing some sexual feelings.
At our house, we have several types of spankings. Some are purely fun, brief 'warm-ups' that are almost solely erotic. Towards the other end of the spectrum are punishments for various degrees of discipline. Of course, most of these arouse some degree of eroticism as your readers have noted.
My wife and I wanted a way to execute a purely punishment spanking when one was truly appropriate without arousing, to any degree, sexual feelings in me. This was a difficult issue because my wife, who is very athletic and strong, is neither vicious nor brutal (as I'm sure most DWC wives are not). Also, I can take a very hard whipping or caning, so it takes a lot to focus my attention on JUST the discipline. We have a solution which works very well in our household and which may also interest other readers.
Disciplinary spankings are rated by degrees from 1 to 10. Most offenses fall in the 3 to 7 range. The rare offense that is rated 9.0 to 10.0 is considered a severe offense which is punished in a manner that virtually assures that the husband will experience none of the sexual arousal which could make the punishment more tolerable or blur its effects. My wife administers these punishment sessions only after I have been completely relieved sexually. After that, you can rest assured that I will beg, plead, apologize and promise anything to get out of the punishment which awaits me. I can absolutely assure you that the whipping or caning that follows is one in which I will be completely focused on the offense and the discipline. The session truly makes a lasting impression, and it unequivocally discourages the offending behavior. It is also the only way I've ever been brought to tears by discipline.
As you can well imagine, I do not at any level look forward to these sessions. My only fond memory of such a session is that I have willing and completely submitted to my wife, accepted her judgment and endured her punishment. For her part, it is extremely rare for an offense to be rated 9.0 or higher which, we think, helps keep things in perspective for both of us. She is a kind, wonderful wife, and I know that a 9.0 or higher offense means that I've done something, thoughtlessly or carelessly, that deeply upset her. That is something that I really don't want to do, but I am after all just a man and do make mistakes. I am forever glad that I'm appropriately punished for them.
My wife is, of course, ultimately responsible for determining whether an offense merits a 9.0, 9.5 or 10.0 (a most unspeakable offense), but I am allowed 30 seconds to appeal her decision. Ultimately, I guess I'm glad that she doesn't change her mind easily. We treat these sessions much like a court-ordered punishment. A date and time is set. These are not administered on the spot (unlike discipline for lesser offenses which is often carried out on the spot or later the same day). It is up to me to make all the preparations and assure that everything (including me!) is in place at the scheduled time.
One thing which we haven't done but believe may be appropriate is have a witness. My wife feels that a witness would be appropriate as with public floggings in the old days. Some quasi-public humiliation would add to my contriteness. Perhaps some members of DWC would be interested.
As I mentioned at the first, most of our spankings do not fall into the category above. I am spanked for fun, for foreplay, for minor/major discipline and, sometimes, just because I need it or because my wife needs to administer a spanking. The strictly punishment sessions devoid of any hint of sex or sexual tension are extremely rare. We only offer this idea as one possible solution for couples who commonly involve spanking in their sex play or for 'regular' discipline and who also seek a way to distinguish those activities from focused, severe, non-sexual punishments merited by truly offensive behavior.
Graham