Dear Aunt Kay,
My wife, Connie, has been spanking me for 13 years, but we only recently discovered your website. I can't say that my wife needs any instruction at this time - she has given many sound spankings - but much of what you advise she had to learn on her own, or with the help of a friend.
Unlike some of the men who post, I did not seek wifely discipline. My wife decided that she was going to spank me after getting frustrated and annoyed by some of the things I was doing or failing to do. I didn't know it at the time, but she had been complaining to her girlfriends about my behavior, and finally one of them, Irene, took her aside and confided in her that she had spanked her husband often, and that it seemed that my wife should do likewise. Connie thought it over and decided she'd do it.
One evening, after complaining and scolding about my behavior, Connie told me that she had decided I'd never reform unless she punished me, and that she was going to spank me, and told me to get ready. I tried to laugh this off, but she was really angry, and I felt guilty, and finally gave in and got my first old-fashioned spanking as adult. In fact, though it was embarrassing to have to take a spanking, and it did sting considerably, it was really not so terrible. I promised to behave better, and that was that.
But I did not change, and more spankings followed. The problem (for Connie) was that she was giving me the same stingy but not severe spankings that she had gotten from her father. They were not a real deterrent to me. I'd promise to improve, be allowed up, and then a week later do the same thing again.
Then one day everything changed. She announced a spanking and told me to get ready and bring the hairbrush. I did so and approached her with a slight smile on my face. Next thing I knew I got several hard slaps to the face, and a stern order to get over her knee. The spanking I got was not at all like the previous ones. I must have had five minutes of the hairbrush and then a long hand spanking on my sore bottom. My pleas and promises were ignored until she felt she had done a proper job, and I was allowed up, teary eyed and very sore.
What had happened? Again, it was much later that Connie told me, but her friend Irene knew something was wrong and invited Connie to watch the next time she spanked her husband. The poor man protested but was told he had nothing to say about it, and Connie watched him get a blistering. She understood then that the spankings she'd been giving were appropriate for a high school girl, but not for a grown man. From then on, I got real spankings, and when I get over her knee I'm in for it.
Reading your advice, I understand why it can be so helpful to a wife who is just beginning as a spanking wife. This advice should be most helpful:
"A spanking should be an event to remember. Don't worry about how red his bottom gets. The more color you put into it, the better you are doing. Don't pay any attention to his cries and pleas and promises. He will tell you anything to get you to stop."
And this:
"Don't be afraid to degrade and humiliate, and above all, when that bare bottom is turned up side down across your knee waiting for the paddle or hairbrush, don't disappoint him. When you let him up, his eyes should be wet with tears, his knees should be quivering, and it should be obvious by looking at his bottom that he is displaying the marks left after a GOOD session."
Thanks to her friend Irene, Connie learned this after some months of spanking without results. Since then, her spankings are truly effective; I wince when told to get ready, but I also know that they have improved our marriage enormously.
In my own marriage, my wife has the right to spank me, but for bad behavior, and we have a pretty clear understanding of what that entails - various acts or omissions or patterns of behavior that we both understand are wrong, unfair to my wife, and harmful to our relationship. There may be marginal cases, and in these she is the final arbiter; I may argue or protest, but will still defer to her judgment, take off my pants and accept the spanking.
However, this does not mean that she is the head of household, with me obliged to obey her in all matters. Far from it. In fact she tells me that she sees me as the head of the family, but that when I act in an immature manner that is inconsistent with that, it is her right to correct me. In a number of matters I am the final arbiter, though she quite rightly expects to be consulted and listened to.
I do admit and fully accept the fact that most men have a side to them that is irresponsible, inconsiderate, immature, even destructive, and that women in most cases are a civilizing influence, and that a family is much better off when the man accepts his wife's right to correct his behavior. I would not have said this thirteen years ago when I first got a wifely spanking, but my experience and my reading of others' experience have now convinced me. Of course there are probably couples of whom this is not true, in which the husband is the more responsible one, but I think this is a small minority.
Having said all that, I will also admit that after years of going over my wife's knee, I find the subject of FM spanking extremely fascinating. No other woman has spanked me in my adult years, and I have read with interest the accounts of get-togethers in which women spank one another's husbands. So, there is a mysterious element of attraction here, and perhaps some day there will be an opportunity to pursue it.
Ordinarily, the offenses I get spanked for are pretty clear cut, and I really don't have an argument. And I should point out that mostly it is an accumulation of offenses, not just the final one that makes her decide that "enough is enough". Examples are: being grumpy or rude, being inconsiderate as in leaving a mess for her to straighten out, interrupting her in mid sentence, "forgetting" to do something I promised to do but never got around to, etc. The one that used to lead to a spanking, all by itself, was being much later in getting home than expected, without phoning her. This would lead to an immediate spanking, if feasible; otherwise, as soon as possible. I talk of this in the past tense, since several episodes with her hairbrush and strap long ago made me give up this practice.
An example of a marginal offense is this: at a social gathering, I got into a discussion with another man, and the discussion got a bit heated - not hostile or rude, but it was out of place at that event, and I got a couple of looks from Connie indicating I should cool it. When we got home and were catching up on things and getting ready for bed, she waited a while and then told me to bring her the wooden ruler that she sometimes used. She said my behavior recently had been problematic in several ways, and that the argument at the party had made her uncomfortable. I protested that I had done nothing wrong, and that people often had such discussions. She countered that this was true, but that she didn't like it, that it was not considerate of the hostess, and that I needed to learn not to repeat it in the future. I kept protesting, but brought her the ruler, and she herself lowered my pajamas and led me over her lap. It was not the worst spanking I'd ever gotten, but a ruler can be very sore, and she did succeed in teaching the lesson she intended. I'm now more careful about what kind of discussions I pursue at social events.
While Connie is strict, she is not a nag. She states the reasons for a spanking and makes sure I understand them, but does not repeat them over and over. She will scold a bit during a spanking, but it's not a steady stream of scolding; she's made the reasons clear, and doesn't say too much until it's time, near the end, to ask for and listen to my apologies and promises of better behavior. I learned early in the game of course that any defiance or reluctance to apologize is pure folly, and will just prolong the punishment.
She will raise her voice a little, but there's no yelling, and no abusive language. I'm addressed as "dear" or "honey" even as she's blistering my bottom. (e.g. "Don't squirm so much dear, it's annoying.") BTW, blisters, welts, bright redness are the usual results. She tries to avoid bruises, though small ones sometimes happen, and for that reason she limits her use of the hairbrush and switches to a ruler or strap, and of course her hand. btw I feel a strange but strong bond with her when her hand is spanking my bottom, which is usually the last and longest part of the spanking.
A spanking is inevitably embarrassing and humiliating, but she doesn't try to aggravate that aspect of it. She doesn't make me undress completely - I notice that in your pictures nudity is often required - just enough to bare the bottom - doesn't make me stand in the corner, and doesn't tease me about it afterwards. (The woman who gave me the small number of spankings I got as a teen would tease me about it and once spanked me when her sister was in the next room and could hear everything - very embarrassing.) And when the spanking is over, whatever offenses brought it about are forgiven, and she is my loving wife again. (Though if the offenses are repeated, so is the spanking of course.)
In other words, a perfect disciplinary wife.
Joe