Dear Aunt Kay,
We are an Australian couple in our late 40's and married over 30 years. Jack has always been the dominant partner, as a strong-minded male, and I fairly submissive. Over the years we have had lots of good times, but there has always been an undercurrent of nervousness and almost fear on my part in case Jack would have a temper tantrum and insist on getting his way. He was very good at manipulating arguments and overpowering me into agreeing that all the problems were my fault. Also, I was never seemingly able to live up to his expectations concerning my clothes, make-up, hairstyle and sexual activities, so I felt inadequate and he was constantly disappointed.
We had dabbled a little in spanking as a turn on, and now that our children have left home, have more freedom to explore this. Jack was checking websites for ideas and stumbled on DWC. At first it seemed like a bit of fun and he got me to have a look. Then he thought it would be fun to contrive some situations to make me angry and give him a spanking. He started to leave the toilet seat up (something that he never did before) so it had not been an issue in this household. I felt extremely annoyed but didn't feel like spanking him for it. It just seemed so stupid to start doing something to annoy me when there were so many things in our relationship that weren't very good.
Somehow this fact came into our realization, and we began to talk about our relationship and some of the difficult areas. (We're still not exactly sure how that piece of progress occurred). Suddenly I felt it was safe to raise issues that I saw as problems and amazingly we began discussing things calmly and with each of us giving their point of view. Lots of tears were shed; mine in relief and his in regret and shame for the way the way he had been acting for so long.
From then on, we began recording any matter that emerged that has been a problem. Over three months, this has resulted in 91 entries to date - ranging from very minor to very major problems and these are being dealt with through regular discipline sessions. Some more minor and related issues may be grouped together for one session and then ticked off. However the list keeps growing as we both recall situations, which have not been good, and Jack also confesses many things - not just the deeds but also his attitude at the time. Frequently he has revealed that he has been aware of putting me down and berating me for the way I have done something. On the other hand, if he ever made a mistake, he would brush it off as unimportant. Also, other inappropriate behaviour and attitudes are being recorded in the "red book" and are being dealt with.
This has turned our whole relationship around. I had at times wondered whether I could stay in the marriage, but I knew that if I made a move to leave it would have all been put on me as my fault and I doubt that I had the inner strength to go through with it.
Now, thanks to Aunt Kay, we have a way forward, a way to deal with any problems that arise - past or future - and I now feel emotionally safe. I have a very attentive, thoughtful husband who does housework and loves doing nice things for me.
Jack was not a bad person by any means, just dominating, arrogant and expecting to get his own way. Even his generosity had been part of the manipulation of me to get what he wanted by emotional blackmail. He is now much softer and more in touch with his emotions and creativity. I now feel much more at ease and find it easier to take more interest in clothes, make-up, jewelry and sex and he's learned that by respecting me as a person, caring for me and treating me well, he's now got the wife and relationship he'd actually craved.
We don't know anyone we would feel comfortable talking to about this, so it is definitely our secret. Also, I still have some concerns about the physical results of the discipline. The bruises and welts that are present for a few days worry me in case anyone should see them. The emotional results however far outweigh these concerns, as they have had such a wonderful effect on our relationship. Your motto stating that "the more you spank him, the more he loves you" is certainly true for us!
We are really excited by this journey that we're on and realize that it now has to be an ongoing process to which we both need to remain fully committed.
So, thank you Aunt Kay for your wise words and encouragement.
Kind regards,
Katrina